Are you in a toxic relationship?

Are you in a toxic relationship?

 

Stay close to people who feel like sunshine.

There’s a reason why we resonate with this saying,

it’s so much more than a quick quote to use as a

caption for your latest gram post, it’s a mantra to

keep at the top of your head when making

relationship-based decisions.

 

There are so many different kinds of relationships

out there: family, romantic, friends, coworkers,

study buddies, the list goes on and on.

With such a multitude of connections,

it’s important to differentiate between positive

relationships (sunshine relationships) and

negative relationships (toxic relationships.)

 

Toxic relationships can take on many different

forms, so much so that we may not even realise

that we’re in the middle of one, ourselves.

In the spirit of mental health awareness and

positive wellness, I have attached a list of

relationship red flags that identify the signs of a

toxic relationship.

 

Remember, toxicity isn’t limited to romantic

partnerships. Friendships, family relations,

and coworker relationships all have the

potential to exhibit toxic signs. Any person or

situation that leaves you feeling anxious,

nervous or manipulated is worth evaluating.

 

Relationship Red Flags:

-You’re always walking on eggshells around

this person

-After any interaction with them, you feel

drained and tired

-They constantly give off a negative or

hostile vibe

-You often feel dismissed or undermined

-You have issues communicating with them

-You feel controlled and manipulated

-They try to isolate you from friends, family,

and other support structures

-They’re physically, mentally or emotionally abusive

-There’s always drama when they’re around

-Their private and public personalities are

extremely different

-You constantly make excuses or apologise for

them

-They humiliate you with embarrassing stories or

hurtful nicknames

-You can’t trust them

-You’re always apologizing and compromising

-Your relationship sees zero growth or

development

-They cause you to pause ambitions, goals

or desires

-Their love and support is something to earn

not receive freely

-Your relationship sees a lot of ultimatums

-You feel cut off from the outside world

-They track your movements and are often

suspicious of your intentions

-Your friends and family dislike them

-They blow over your achievements or lows

-You’re continuously trying to rescue them

or “fix” them

If you’ve gone through the list and can apply four

or more of the red flags to a specific relationship

then it may be time to evaluate it. You need

to remember that your health, happiness, and

success is the priority here. If someone leaves

you feeling less than great more times often

than not, then you may need to look at that

relationship as potentially toxic. If you’ve

come to the conclusion that you are in fact

in a toxic relationship and would like to end it,

below are some helpful tips and sites to visit.

 

How to end a toxic relationship:

  1. The list:

If you’re indecisive about leaving, then it’s time

to properly assess the relationship. The best

way to evaluate something is to look at it

from all possible angles. Keep a logbook with

daily entries of your emotions and specifically

how that person makes you feel. Additionally,

add a ‘pro and con’ list to your logbook,

not only will it put things into perspective,

but it also serves as a reminder as to why

you got out of the relationship in the first

place if you ever revisit the possibility of a

second chance. Another way to do this is to

write yourself a letter to read in the future when

you feel nostalgic or complacent.

 

  1. Talk it out:

Try to have a mature discussion about the

way you’re feeling. Bring up the above red

flags that worry you or make you anxious.

Sometimes you need to communicate how

you feel in order to give the relationship

potential to grow and evolve. At times

individuals may not even realise what they

are doing and how it makes you feel. This

tip is especially effective when evaluating

friendships and familial relations.

 

  1. I need back up:

 If your discussion leaves you feeling worse off,

or you have tried repeatedly in the past to

communicate with your partner/ friend/ family

member, then you may need to contact your

support system to make them aware of your

toxic relationship and your decision to leave it.

A support system has many shapes and sizes,

essentially it is a person/ group of people /

professionals who have your back and only

have your best interests at heart.

 

  1. Cut it out:

The best way to remove yourself from a

toxic relationship is to sever ties. If your

life is too entangled with theirs then you’ll need

to slowly distance yourself from the person without

causing a stir. The goal here is to get as far away

as possible (physically and emotionally) from this

person. This is your act of selfishness and it’s

warranted. Delete their number from your phone

and lean on your support system in times of

weakness. Toxic relationships are difficult to

disconnect, so you need to understand that

it takes time and encouragement to completely

rid yourself of the toxicity.

 

  1. …and breathe:

The final stage of ending a toxic relationship is

always the most challenging one, healing. This

stage requires a lot of self-love and care. You’ll

have to build new routines, expectations, and

priorities around what makes you happy and

what has your best interest at heart. If you feel

yourself backsliding, take out your logbook and

remind yourself of how toxic your past relationship

was. During this stage, you are the most important

factor to consider.

 

Getting out of a toxic relationship is hard, it’s

emotionally, mentally and at times physically

draining, but remember that you and your sunshine

are the most important factors to consider, above all.

At the end of the day, you deserve to be in a

loving and supportive friendship, relationship or

connection. You deserve the best. 

 

Here are some websites to visit if you’re involved

in an abusive relationship and need assistance

or if you would like to review your rights:

https://www.tears.co.za/gbv-domestic-abuse/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwvdXpBRCoARIsAMJSKqI3yKRpDtvXZOVspLJ9TOZJZjI5TfMMJippkKrVzU0b4eavzcL7csgaAovtEALw_wcB

https://www.divorcelaws.co.za/abuse.html (this website maps out your rights and offers an array of support and guidance)

https://www.gov.za/faq/justice-and-crime-prevention/where-can-i-find-organisation-offers-assistance-victims-violence

 

 

99 comments

LmZwHbTXRD

IGJYbORuZTCwsl

vfYPpuxyUKw

cImvPelwxhbEGa

LAqCeOsmlwIMDZU

ybXqxnNU

btnaiEpGg

FHJCjuUY

ZqRAybpBiVgHF

wbQMNUqaAfoPZRWJ

Leave a comment